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I am very frustrated with the entire therapy process right now, and upset and tense. I came back from a session with a psychologist I talk to. During the past six months I’ve been so unhappy that I am paying three different people to help me. The psychologist talked about our relationship and told me that I can’t keep reaching out to other people to help me, and that one of his goals would be that I would be able to take care of myself more often. I came away feeling that warmth and depth and true connection are missing from my life; that all is emptiness. No girlfriend, and only one close friend I can talk to. And that my life is lacking anything good that touches my heart. This frightens me, because I don’t have much of a self-supporting loving adult within me. I felt like he told me I was doomed. I know I’ve been reaching out to others, because that seems to be the only thing that really works for me right now. I hunger for connection and reassurance. A family member told me: "Your're very needy right now." Well, maybe that has become true and yet I don’t want to be. Maybe my child within is still trying to fulfill the parent-child relationship of one person giving nurturing to another. I just know that I’m tense, unhappy and lacking a sense of what to do next. Even reaching out through a forum is frustrating because I can’t look a person in the eye and hear their voice. Obviously I need to strengthen the loving adult part of my personality. I am very open right now to any advice about how to better do that so that I won't feel so alone.
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