Yes, this, exactly. Anger scares me too, and I really DON'T know what to do with it. T says anger is normal, and can be appropriate, and is not something to run away from. I don't get it yet.

I will tell you some things I have TRIED. T told me once to go somewhere no one could hear me (I went and drove in my van) and just to scream at whoever/whatever I was angry at. I told him I didnt' even KNOW who/what that was. He said that he could personally think of a list of possibilities and just to try out one of the names to see what it felt like. I did try what he said. Honestly, it didn't help. Well, actually, the physical release of screaming helped a litle, but that was about it.

We also write sometimes with crayons. Just big, black letters about how angry we are, and sometimes we draw mandalas...which end up looking very different from the ones we normally draw. THAT helps sometimes - the crayons, the scribbling, the drawing.

As for your little ones...I wonder if there is anything you can do that would help them feel safe and happy? Mine LOVE to color. That helps sometimes.

Lastly - I am really sorry that you were made to feel like a part of you was "satanic" and had to be exorcised. Talk about invalidating what must have been some very real, honest, and true feelings of anger that you were having. Maybe this time it can be different - you can talk to T, and learn that anger is okay, and work it out in a way that is loving to you and all of your parts.