okseeker,
it is frustrating and disappointing when we find ourselves in this questioning and uncomfortable place...and I'm sorry you are there.

BPB made some very good suggestions. Think about them and see which one would be easiest to try...
Jme, what would happen with me is I would reach the point where I was really tired of feeling like I was keeping the running hamster company--sometimes it felt like that furry critter was laughing at me.
What worked for me was backing off, writing down what was bothering me--I use writing as a tool--, and addressing them within myself than whoever I trusted enough to help me.
Choosing that person had its own challenge, but that was good. It made me focus and I allowed myself the freedom of no guilt--no guilt about my choice.
I wasn't doing it to for any other reason than it was doing what was best for me.

Best wishes on finding your way,
Cap