Now I understand with anxiety. At least it's something that can go away, although I know that's probably not much help right this second. The process seems futile, but at the same time... I haven't gone to a meeting for longer than normal. In that space I've realized that at the very least it's helped me to talk about my problems, accept them myself and... I dunno, at the very least... it's something to try.
So maybe try the T again, or even a different one

Lots of hugs, hope you feel better