I was diagnosed as bipolar in April after years of being "only" a really destructive binge drinker. Since then, my behavior and symptoms have actually accelerated, at least in the past three months. A lot of this is the result of making an ill-advised move to a different state, but in any case I relate to the frustration of looking forward yet staggering backward. I often just want to punch myself in the face, but I keep imagining trying new things that will provide some peace if assembled in the right proportions--groups, meds, counseling, lifestyle, etc.

My inability to work has become so marked that I'm going to apply for disability. It's amazing how many ER visits and crisis-center chill-outs I have had this year, at very regular intervals. I feel like something far less than human, that's for sure.