Quote:

Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results.

Albert Einstein
Said by Einstein but understood by recovering addicts and alcoholics every where.
I agree with the others - get help for your drinking and drug use. Professional help was part of my recovery, but nothing was as good as going to a 12 Step meeting and listening to someone's story that was exactly like mine! To do the therapeutic work you'll need clarity, and that comes from giving your mind and body a break from drugs and booze.
If you want to email me and talk, please do. I've been there and done that. If you live in Southern California I can give advice on meetings, etc.
Scooterb