((( Hello "Chris"??))))))))))))

Whoa! Can I relate to this feeling,...well, not word or event exactly...BUT....This 20th will be the 1 year anniversary of my brother's death(caused d/t complications of his prior suicide attempt -- shotgun thru the chest) He just laid down for a nap & his lungs leaked fluid..he drowned!) This is the 2nd brother I have lost to suicide. His wife, Pam.....she has been like no sister-in-law I have had (and I "had" 4 older brothers, all married twice) She is very quiet, withdrawn, insecure & afraid to ask for help. For the past year she has opened up to me, at least....that she was so sick and tired of people telling her to "hang in there" In the same way my last 2 surviving brothers have told me to "Get over it".........there is NO delicate way to approach this subject. I had to go by what I learned as a crisis counselor & psych nurse; I send her an occassional letter of general conversation, but would include articles I have "gleaned off the internet" from certain, chosen web sites that I could "customize" for her. (ie: one web site was hosted by a single woman who had lost her husband & most of the material was focused around the loss of a husband) I didn't "hover" around her; people usually feel pretty uncomfortable about that at first....hugs, hand squeezes, etc. are acceptable. I made it discreetly clear to her that she could contact me at any time; I included a pre-paid long-distance phone card w/ a sticky note that had my phone number on it, nothing else but "Open 24/7" When I wrote her a letter, I simply kept typing in my e-mail address...nothing surrounding it (so as to not be overbearing) On Xmas, I sent her a simple necklace that had his birthstone on it with a short poem about him being around her (by way of necklace) always...nothing else. You just have to keep it simple; but make it clear to her that YOU are available if she EVER just needs to talk about her day at work! She deeply withdrew at first, so I called her & talked to her about how I missed my brother & I cried..that opened a doorway for her to voice her feelings & tears also. It's a difficult situation to "dance around" but just let her know that you don't expect her to put a time limit on grieving....I know I'm still grieving, so I can imagine she's definitely still grieving more! On the 20th of this month, I think I will send her a simple card. None of these Hallmark Sympathy ones...ugh!

Give her her time and space to do whatever she needs to do or express; yet let her firmly know that IF she might need someone, that you're available. Be as non-judgemental as possible. Give her all the hugs she needs, but keep your "feelers out" as to when she needs her space. Be a friend...plain and simple.

My ideas.......take or toss.......but, please accept my heartfelt "sympathy" It'll be very rough first year. Just "be around"

((((((((((((( DAYZEE9)))))))))))))))