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Good question.
I was a 'functioning' depressive. I didn't miss school or work. I thought a depressed person stayed in bed with the covers pulled over their heads.
I underslept, overate, and was filled with negative thoughts. As it would get worse I began to think I didn't matter at all. Nothing I did had meaning, I was just going through the motions. It would get to the point of truly believing I could drop off the earth and no one would notice.
I didn't cry ever, but it was also hard to laugh. I began feeling emotionally numb. Things that made others laugh or cry didn't touch me. I became secretly miserable. I began thinking,"if this is all there is then who needs it." Had no hope for a better tomorrow.
During some of my depressive cycles I'd begin to have anxiety attacks, in fact that is what led to my first hospitalization.
So for me what I watch for is the 'going through the motions' behavior, the emotional shut-down and an increase in negative thinking. When I feel that creeping up on me I start to force myself to get up and shower and get dressed and plan some activities because being alone feeds it. I tell someone I'm feeling down. I do what I can to fight it off and since it can begin in my mind I start to focus on gratitude and I start examining my expectations to see if I'm setting myself up in any way. I can get caught up in self-pity at the drop of a hat sometimes and not even realize it.
Those are some of the things I've discovered about myself. Mine also has an element of messed up brain chemicals that positive thinking won't touch and then it's back on some meds for a while!
Depression shows itself in many ways. I had so many unresolved issues from my childhood and once I found a great therapist and worked on them for over 14 years I have experienced fewer bouts of depression in my life.
Judy
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However confused the scene of our life appears, however torn we may be who now do face that scene, it can be faced, and we can go on to be whole.
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