Right! I know. I got out and walked for about half an hour this morning. VERY nice morning out! About 55 at 10 a.m. Now just got a shower and dressed.

Yesterday, I spent the whole day with my BF. We had a great time. We took pictures in the afternoon of a pumpkin patch and then of downtown. Each with a camera. I was feeling happy. We'd also had some very nice "Snuggle time" and that just made it better, too.

He said this morning- after I told him I hate Trazadone because its so hard to crawl out of bed in the morning- why don't I quit taking the meds? Well he's always voted for that choice. I told him just go cold turkey off and I'd be a MESS. Especially the ones I'm on.

My pdoc is supposed to call me back today about what my next choice is. When I miss ONE day of my meds, the same night I am hearing voices, the next morning I am a complete basket case depressed and then the same night I'm all hypomanic.

There's also the issue that I HATE being this fat. I just HATE IT. And the reason? DEPAKOTE! And these other things are adding fuel to the fire.

What I'd like is this: Get rid of side effects; hear no voices; have no manias; have no depressions. Can that be done with exercise and good friends and good-for-you food? I think so. It did for a while. It will be a long row to hoe but hey.... I just don't feel supported by my pdoc who is what I feel I need when I get in my worst states. I now understand why people go off their meds. I'm not afraid of the voices. I'm afraid of my wild mood swings and disassociations. Poor choices, etc. But right now, I'm spinning my wheels as it is.

Thanks for your post. And nice new pic.