Hello, I'm new. I just came across these forums, and thought I'd post my problem, or what maybe is one. I'm almost 17 years old (4/15) and I have been depressed basically most of my life. But it has been getting pretty bad the last couple years. All my life even since I was in elementary school I have struggled with relationships with friends/parents etc. For me it's like either I love the person (say my mom) and I think the world of her or she is the worst thing in my life. I can't seem to find any middle here. I've always had friend issues. Either I assumed the other person was out to hurt me and then broke the friendship off or I'd get sick of the person... become annoyed and drop them. I want to change though, I'm sick of not having friends. Yet it seems to be too much of an effort. When it comes to boyfriends... they fail too. To be truthful I only have had one what I would say "official" boyfriend. The relationship lasted for about 4 months (which I thought was a long time) I never liked him from the beginning. We were friends to begin with, and I thought he was funny, but never boyfriend material. Anyway one day he asked me out and I said yes because I felt lonely and could use the company. I didn't have feelings for him though. He was constantly buying me things. And I loved it so I kept the relationship on even though I knew it wasn't going anywhere. So about 4 months later I broke it off with him and told him the truth. He accused me of being manipulative (I don't even know what that means, I doubt he does either), accused me of using him etc. From then on til the end of the school year he tried to take my "friends" away. He tried to get back at me for whatever I did. I don't think I was wrong in the relationship. Anyway any relationship I seem to have with anyone fails and I don't know how to stop it.

My struggle with relationships is just a piece of this puzzle. For about a year now I have been self harming... cutting, taking pills etc, and I seriously don't know why I do it. I've always had this fear of my parents are going to leave me, abandon me in a sence even though they reassure me they won't. I am so scared for the future. I have other genetic issues I have to deal with and it all becomes so overwhelming. I have tried to analyze my behavior and I think I hurt myself for some sort of rescue. I mean I do get attention when I do it, maybe I feel a need for nurturing. That's all I could come up with. Well a couple weeks ago were bad for me, that's why I decided to come on here. I cut myself worse then ever, and my mom came home from work and was all in a tizzy. I mean it wouldn't stop bleeding.. it was horrible and now I feel guilty for doing it. That same afternoon she took me to my GP and she thought I should see a psychiatrist (I'm already seeing a psychologist).

I told my brother about some of this and he suggested that I had Borderline Personality or something... he plans on majoring in psych... so I did some reasearch and I guess something like that exists. The criteria seemed to fit me perfectly. Do you think that's what this sounds like? But then again I don't want to be labled something the rest of my life.