I'm proud of myself!
I went to the first day of my 'Work Preparation Course' at the Back In Touch project.
I stood outside the door and was so anxious, I nearly turned around and walked away (but then I thought to myslef... now what exactly is that going to do... prove I'm not capable of making myself better, prove that the depression/anxiety has control over me, prove that I'm letting it win) I don't want it to win, so I took a deep breath, closed my eyes, pushed open the door and pressed the buzzer for the project. Nicki let me in and asked if I wanted to speak to her first to calm down before I went in to the room where the course was being held... but I thought no, I'll end up turning around, I need to get it all over and done with as quick as I can... I went in, with Nicki... she introduced me and then left.
Still REALLY scared at this point (shaking slightly, feeling sick), but then I saw the people that were already there... they were in the same position as me, they all looked so scared to be there, so if they could do it, so could I. I relaxed a little then... the course (which is only 2 hours, on a monday and wednesday) went well, I talked to the guy sat next to me and I participated a bit.
Coming out of the course felt like loosing a stone, didn't realise how tense I was.... but I did it!

Next big step... going to speak with the headmistress at the infant school tomorrow about volunteering there. scared, scared, scared, scared, scared!
This should really be in the anxiety forum? But, I thought that this achievement was a good step with my depression too and I wanted to share it with you guys.
Now I gotta try and keep my head up this evening and not to let things get to me.

Anyways, I'll stop babbling
((((((((((((((((everyone)))))))))))))))
love you all... you all helped me do this today!!!!!
Molly