Today I took a risk in therapy, I explored my longings in the therapeutic relationship. It was weird how this came up. I started my session by telling T how this weekend I missed my Mom. I said with her in heaven, it's like "look but don't touch. He asked if that was how I felt about him. I told T that is seems so unfair that I feel so attached to him, yet we don't touch.

I have a recording I listen to when I am stressed out. It's a guided imagery designed to ease the effects of PTSD. When I listen to this I see T in my mind. Sometimes I am very young in this imaginary journey and he holds my hand. Sometimes he touches my shoulder. I told T about this and he said it was an accurate reflection of how he felt about me.

It just hurts so much. Sigh.