Hello Christo --

My heart goes out to you. And the depth of your analysis of the situation shows that your "heart is in the right place" as the saying goes.

Dayzee's suggestions make a lot of sense to me. So does Angie's to forget she's adopted.

I haven't experienced this. I've had 2 friends who experienced suicide of their fathers, including the body in the home. It is an experience that you never get over in some ways.

I know in my heart that you are going to do all that you can.

I would not insist that she come to a birthday party. Two years ago, a friend insited that I go out for lunch for her on my birthday, after my longtime mate had suddenly abandoned me just 5 days earlier. She would not take "No" for an answer. I was shellshocked. I sat through the lunch, unable to eat. She kept crooning, "Oh, I'm so sorry" at me, which did not make things better. She admitted, as she drove me home, that she should not have made me do this. If your sister needs to be with family, she will know it and be with you.

If the time and circumstance permits it, perhaps you can bring her a small piece of birthday cake and offer a few moments of comfort later in the day, so she knows you were thinking of her.

As for the party, I would keep it as pared down as circumstance allows out of respect for the deceased. I doubt that a one-year-old comprehends to a great extent what a birthday party is. If it was to an occasion where the grownups were going to have an whalloping good time on the side, I would again, ask that they forgo this pleasure out of respect for the deceased, while preserving the children's part of the ritual.

OTH, perhaps the adults will use the party as additional time to grieve and cope, and that would be a good thing.

Sorry, I'm not exactly Emily Post or Miss Manners. This is just my two-cents, and probably worth even less than that if put up for auction.

Please keep coming here for support and hugs. ((((((((((((((Christo)))))))))))))))))