Ann,

It's no easy thing to repair or mend a situation like that, since what he has said is basically unforgiveable to you. Understandable. But he probably knows none of this, and so the first thing is that the two of you need to begin to learn to communicate more openly with one another.

If that doesn't work on your own -- because you're afraid of how he might react, because he won't listen, because he won't change, etc. -- then it would be appropriate to seek out a marriage counselor to help you two talk this through. You can't just let an issue of this importance continue to simmer and cause a permanent, unfixable rift in your relationship. The longer you wait, the harder it will be.

If he doesn't want to go into counseling, that's a sign that he's not willing to work on the relationship with you and you should think very long and hard about what it means when your partner no longer wants to be your partner in every thing. Sometimes people say that because they are scared, or insecure, and are afraid that counseling will somehow show they are weak or not the person the other person thought they were marrying. Well, that may be, but eventually he's going to have to get over those fears and enter into a dialogue with you in a way that allows you both to be open and honest with one another and not feel like you're hurting one another's feelings.

None of this is easy, but if the marriage and relationship is worth saving, you should give it a try.

Good luck!
John