i still think that. it's all in my head, i'm imagining it, i'm just trying to get attention or be special with my so-called 'mental illness'. if ever i talk about it with someone (which i don't, because i think they'll think one of the above things -- but say my husband) I feel extremely defensive. even though literally nobody has ever challenged me. therapists don't really know anything, i say, psychiatrists can be fooled. etc.

someone here told me a while ago that OCD was 'the doubting disorder' because people with it are constantly questioning themselves. but if you don't really believe you have a disorder, you can't believe that you're suffering from a 'doubting disorder'.

what keeps me grounded are the facts that 1. my family has a long and exciting history of mental illness and 2. my life has really, really changed since i started taking prozac. i'm much freer than I used to be. so whether or not I have OCD (which, again, I do) it is helpful to act as if I do.