One of the diagnostic criteria for BPD is
I don't KNOW anything, but maybe...that could be what a lot of the lies are.I mean, if she tells you the truth, you might get angry and leave her. If she lies to you, maybe, maybe, maybe you won't find out and you'll stay. But if you want to talk about her lying, then "for sure" you're going to leave her(!) - so let's not even talk about that...

I can certainly believe that she loves you very much - to the best of her ability. I throw that part in there because for a long time I didn't really understand what love could be, and I wasn't very good at it. I meant it when I said it and I felt it wholeheartedly, but that love was all wrapped up in some twisted thinking, self-centered fear and all the other dysfunctions I lived every day.

Even harder if you aren't physically with her. If she's anything like me...y'know that "object constancy" idea? It's like Beth said - unrealness. As if you just aren't really real when you're not in contact. It's not about not CARING. It really is as if you don't exist or you're some story we made up or some half-dream, half-memory.

I'm not saying what's she's doing is right.
I'm not saying that she's got any "good excuse".
I'm not saying that you should tolerate it.

But in the context of a PD, it adds up to its own twisted kind of sense.