((((((((((((((Dingoroo))))))))))))) I'm glad you were able to go to T. I wouldn't worry so much about the surreal feelings in the session. I think that's normal with the stress of therapy and anxiety makes it worse, in my opinion. It took me years to be present enough in T to even know what went on for the most part. Even now I don't remember a lot, but at least I know I went and I am there for parts of the session. Just keep going, if you can. As you feel more safe there, hopefully you will be able to have less anxiety and be able to talk more.

There is a post at the top of this page called, "Resources for Trauma, Dissociation, and Treatment" that has a list of books that might be helpful. Take care and hope to hear from you again soon.