Dear Tao, When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don't blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer or more water or less sun .... Yet, if we have problems with our family and friends, we feel the shame & blame. But if we knew how to take care of each other we would all grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reasons & argument. That is my experience. If you understand & show that you understand, you can love, & the situation may change.

Holmes