Ah, sorry, didn't mean to confuse you. Well, I think a lot of people perform rituals that aren't perhaps of an OCD nature, as you yourself noted. I guess what I should have said is that I believe that the proportion of professional atheletes with OCD is probably higher than the OCD rate of the general population. I do in fact believe that, though I expressed it incorrectly.

From the sounds of it your symptoms go beyond simple rituals and obsessions. Diagnosing is never a simple matter, but you really do sound like a classic OCD case. I guess a question to ask is how much these thoughts and rituals interfere with your life and your happiness. If they do interfere with both significantly, then that's really the difference.

It's really quite hard to explain. But if you just can't get certain thoughts out of your head, like turning the world blue when you were a kid, or the scratch-outs you make on a piece of paper...when they won't go away no matter what you do, and they interefer with you carrying out your life...then that's OCD.

Any chance you could see a doctor for a proper diagnosis, or is that not possible for you at the moment?