I'm going to try this again, now that I'm not sobbing! If any of you have read previous posts about work, you know that I work very, very hard and I'm quite a perfectionist. What you don't know is that I am not a people person. That is well known around the office and in fact is quite a joke--I have a grumpy sign I put on my office and can laugh at myself. I don't take myself too terribly seriously, but I am a serious person, if that makes sense. I'm not comfortable around people--especially women. I don't join in the whole "i broke a nail" stuff, I don't watch reality TV, I'm not married and I'm not dating, I don't gossip; I'm a computer geek. I'm a paperwork freak. I can relate to those things. I work very hard at walking around the office, saying hi, telling people I appreciate them, etc. I have been talked to on a couple occassions by my manager because people have complained they don't like me, they don't like talking to me if I'm in a bad mood--not because I'm mean, but because they don't know how to take me. Anyways, back to the reason for this post. "My" doctor, Dr. A, at work, and I always meet Wednesday evenings to go over the week and update each other. I have a really good raport with him. Tonight we did our normal talk then he said he needs to talk to me "outside of the realm of his position". Since I've rambled enough, I'll make it short...he said none of the doctors like me, none of the staff like me, no one knows what I do there because my door is always shut and I need to change the perception. There is one woman here who I really cannot get along with, now I have to take her under my wing, make her feel loved and included. Without knowing the whole thing that sounds stupid but I won't bore you with the history. Anyway, in addition to sitting there being told that no one can stand me, no one knows what I do, I have to try to hold it together and no cry. I FAILED. I f****** let a tear slip down my cheek!!! Real ******* professional. It hurt so bad, though. I have such a hard time being around people, and when I try so hard and then am told that I wanted to throw up. Oh, it gets better. Sunday I'm leaving for New Orleans for another conference and he will be at this one and wants to go to dinner (absolutely 100% nothing romantic, no way, nothing like that) so now I have to sit across the table from this man who just tore me down further than I've been in a long time. I have struggled so hard with my self esteem. I know I don't do well with people, but I have tried so hard to believe in myself and stop the record that says I suck, I'm worthless, I'm hated. Nope, it was just a lie I was telling myself. I messaged my manager, even though it was 9:30 at night and she called me and talked to me, said no one has had a problem with me in a long time and she knows I work so hard and she couldn't do her job without me and she told the doctors this in the board meeting---whoa!!! Board meeting?? Yep, all this was brought up at the board meeting!!!! Great. I can't go in tomorrow. I can't. I just want to curl up and not move. I felt better after talking to my manager but not much. I was so upset on the way home I called my ex-fiance--I wanted to talk to someone who knew me and knew the history. Not one word out of his mouth. Nothing. So I apologized for calling him and hung up. I HAD (HAVE) NO ONE. No one I can call, no one I can talk to. I do suck, he's right. They've all been right. I have no one. Oh, and I was so upset I called my t; ok--it was 10:30 at night at this point, on the way home and just thought I'd get the answering service and could leave a message. Nope, a person answered. I was sobbing and asked if by chance he was there. She said no, he's not. Didn't offer to take my number or anything so I just hung up. I don't even know why I called. I just wanted someone to care. I am so sorry to take up so much time, and God bless you if you've read all this.