I have a horrible constitution. I catch everything. If we lived in the time of plague I would have been dead long ago. In fact I probably would have died when I was pregnant because I had hyperemisis gravidarium and required extremely strong anti-emetics and IV fluids and still lost something like 16% of my body weight. Basically I'm not sure my body is strong enough to survive to a ripe old age.

I feel almost like I've lost the time I've had to depression. I've been dealing with depression that ranges from mild to clinical since I was 13. I remember having so much potential. Everyone told me so and I was right for a myriad of careers, attorney, historian, politician, journalist, writer, singer, but I could never decide what I wanted to be when I grew up. I never finished college because I couldn't decide on a major. Well now I've grown up and I still haven't figured it out. People expected great things from me and I never delivered. I’m not upset that I’ve failed others, but I feel I’ve failed myself and haven’t lived up to my own potential. I've let life happen to me rather than doing what I want with the little time I have on this planet. What happened to me???

Sorry I don't want to say pity me, but I don't know where else to turn. No one understands how much I loathe myself right now.