Co-Dep, hi...
well, I'm a wee bit on the other side of the fence
but let me make it clear that this is JME, ok? in no way am I saying that it's true for you, but it may give you something to think about...

my marital situation was somewhat like yours before we went to counseling and basically started a new relationship once we "cleared the air."

my SO tried to be understanding when i medically retired, but in reality he was pissed at the life style changes. he now readily admits it...I was also the high earner and it enabled us to enjoy life...not on a grand scale but we were comfortable.
at the same time, I was flooded with guilt because I took care of myself but it inconvenienced him.
he also has his own health problems and had grown used to my taking care of him first...a heavy burden for sure.

you may actually be "smothering" him because you do feel guilty and have not come to terms with what made these changes necessary. by repeatedly questioning him, perhaps you are looking for understanding and support fro him.
please don't be too quick to take all the blame...

if you can, seek counseling. if you've no private insurance for it, check with community services for their own therapists who use a sliding scale of the fees...many will waive fees if there is great hardship.

you have the power to make things better, but it is your choice to take that first step.

Cap

Again, the above is JME