Sunny, I'm genuinely glad you had a great session... but like Earthmama, I am going to challenge a bit because I know that you are a person who comes to these boards with an open mind, willing to really think about what has been written.

It might help you took look back over your thread about the email. When you look over this, you can get a sense of what you felt like in the here-and-now of that situation. All of the anger and annoyance is right there because you felt that way when you were writing it.

I know that you said that you walked into Ts office and then felt "fine" after he greeted you. I think it is possbile to feel good, fine, and pissed off all at the same time. I know that sometimes going to T is like "coming home," you know what I mean? So there are good, warm, safe feelings there-- but I know (from major personal experience) that anger can exist at the same time.

I know from previous posts (particularly your email post) that you have worred about "losing control" in front of other professionals, but also in front of T. You mentioned that particular thread, how much you hated acting a certain way in your legal meeting.

I always use this rule: if I had strong feelings about something, I am going to bring it up. It is part of the process**

Why the asterisk? Because if I started a thread, and kept it going, about how angry and annoyed I was at something that T did to hurt me, and make me feel abandoned, you can be damn sure he'd be hearing about it!

Something that I have learned in therapy is that hurt and anger still exist even when good feelings return. I used to think these feelings "went away," especially if H and I had a fight, and then, instead of talking about it, we would just wake up the next day and act "normal." I would neglect telling T about these issues in the relationship because H and I woke up "fine" with each other. After talking to T about this, I realized that H and I weren't "fine"-- we were neglected to bring up, and work out, the issue because we didn't want to revisit something that was going to cause even more turbulence-- even if it was something that would eventually strengthen our relationship.

Is there something you are afraid of?

I hope this didn't come across as unsupportive or negative. You and your T are very connected; that is obvious. I was just hoping to share what came to mind, and wondering what your thoughts are.