Sunrise,
So glad that you made it through both the meeting and your session in one piece. It sounds like you are reflecting on these events and learning a lot from them.
Quote:
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I do have this feeling that if he were to ignore an email from me again, it would be a huge trigger for me, so that tells me that you probably all are right, and I am not done with this.
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After reading your posts I think
you are likely going to return to this topic. Hopefully you or you and he both can resolve it before he ignores you again. Maybe the email situation is just something that, like his cold sore, you just accept. Your T is really good at caring for you during your sessions and legal meetings, he genuinely wants to be there to support you when you need him; but for whatever reason (ADHD;other priorities;??) he is incapable of being dependable outside of your physical interactions. When situations come up, you get pissed, then see that what he does provided you is worth putting up with this one shortcoming.
I get your comment about, not being able to fake anger when you don't currently feel it. For me I also have trouble describing how I felt about a situation, after I've moved threw it. I also struggle explaining what I did to "move threw" something.
One comment I did have for you is: Do you remember a while back when you posted about having trouble bringing your negative feelings into the therapy room? If I recall correctly, at the time you were describing how just being in the presence of your T, made you feel better. Therapy was like a place of comfort in your chaotic world and when you got there you just wanted to bask in it and not ruin the hour with the negativity of the outside world. I hope I am recalling this discussion correctly...anyway. Do you think your connection with T (his positive energy) just swept the negative stuff away?
Another question I have is about attachment. In your today, you described that when you went into your session and he asked you if you were OK, you realized that you were really OK. Do you think that this is evidence that you've moved from your earlier insecure attachment pattern to a secure attachment in this relationship? I thought the same thing when I read the part about the laptop situation. I'm not sure I totally get the attachment theory stuff so I might be totally off.
I'm just glad that after a difficult week you are entering the weekend with some good feelings about your therapeutic relationship.
Just a side comment, I personally found Pinksoil's comments very insightful.