I don't know what to do any more. I'm 19 today and I am alone. I am in debt. I need to sell my car if I ever hope to be out of debt, but with the economy sucking no one wants to buy a car. I took a leave of absence from work for hospitalization (a waste of damn money) three months ago, but I can not work up the nerve to go back, I have trouble working up the nerve to get out of the house to go to the bank to pay on my loans. I am using all of the money my family set aside for my college education to pay for these bills which makes me feel like absolute garbage. My grandparents called today to wish me happy birthday and I started crying, which made my Grandfather cry, which made me feel even worse. My parents don't care anymore. I have barely left my bed in three months. The only time my parents talk to me is to yell at me about my bills and how I need to get a job, and just suck it up and get over it. Even those interactions are becoming less frequent and only happen when I venture downstairs while they are awake or at home. My mother loves to throw it in my face that my father has depression also but he manages it. My mother also will not let it go that I need to be on medication. She seems to think that the medication will solve everything. I realize that I should probably be on medication, but one: I have been on nearly every anti-depressant on the market, I have been taking pills since I was eight. None of them have worked. And two: I have been in therapy since I was four. Medication doesn't solve anything, it just helps you cope. Even if I did find a medication that worked, my bills would still be there, I would still be stuck in this stupid town that I hate, and I would still be alone. I have never experienced any sort of "normal" teenage years. I dropped out of high school at sixteen because I couldn't stand it anymore. I did get my GED and I did complete one semester of college successfully, I have just dropped out of the last two. I want out of this town so bad. It is a smaller town and everybody knows everyone through someone. I want a fresh start, but I worry that I will never have that. I don't think I will ever be healthy. I just want a normal life. I've never had that. I've never had a boyfriend or anything. I've only really had two close friends. I've been completely alone since a couple of months after my sixteenth birthday. I don't know what to do.