I'm sorry that you are struggling with your predetermined destiny. Was the responses to your posts predetermined? Maybe but maybe we are not controlled by the same entity?
Have you asked yourself why you've been through so many therapists? Are you afraid to be vulnerable?
Have they fired you or have you fired them?
Just asking to get some more clarity.
You've been through many online groups? Are you looking for the answers to your insides from other peoples posts and opinions (outsides)?
There are many people here willing to help you and I hope that you don't give up. It's nice to meet you and welcome to pc.