Thank you all for replying. It means a lot even though youre just strangers over the internet haha.
But in an addition to my original post:

I told my best friend everything about my situation, and she told me she was happy I was getting evicted because she wants to see me more. It angered me because its difficult, getting evicted. Winters right around the corner and its hard to find a place. The funny thing is, when Ive been visiting her in MA, she either cancels the plans, or hangs out with someone else while im there, so its like whats the point. This is what I meant before, I only have about three friends in MA still that I actually make time for seeing, and who try to see me. Everyone up here tries to make plans with me, but Ive always denied, idk why either... I wish I could go back, [as in back in time, but staying where I am now] because I feel like Ive screwed so much up.