I had a post composed to you, hit sumbit and it disappeared. Dish has said a lot that needs to be given thought to, but I'd like to add the next time you are feeling suicidal you must--MUST--call for help. Call 911 or whatever emergency services you have, call a crisis center, I can help you find numbers in your area, call an adult you trust, call a pastor or priest, call for help. You are too important to not be here.