Hello to whom is reading,
I have been latelly stuck in my room trying to figure out what and why things happen around me. I have a beautiful girlfriend who lives in a larger house in my neighborhood which has rather larger houses than normal, she was born into a familly with wealth and just the most pefect enviorment. She learned from her parents inspiration to play the piano so graceful and meaning. She is in the highest classes available in my high school getting all a's. She is looking at the finest colleges not worrying about the pricing or concerns for wealth with her fathers income. She has a great personality and also has been smoking weed which i resent and how can someone just be so perfect she is loved cared smart can be succesful has lots of money is gonna be driving a nice new beamer via her father and actually surprisingly has a great familly relationship with her mom brother sister and father. I am stuck at home only in my average courses getting a's and b's worrying about how i am going to pay for college and with my lower class car i feel i have certain attributes to my personality that the biggest bundle of cash could not buy. i am sitting here in tears trying to understand how someone like her is taught and raised to be the most perfect person and has so many great qualitites i dream about a girl like this and relaize the chances of us seeing each other after high school are super thin. i wish i could meet her ten years from now. she wants to grow up being a lawyer and can probably afford and achieve that ogal with ehr smarts. can you please help me try to understand how to handle why i have to struggle through life with a smaller and more satisfied life but i have a hard time pursueing my goals of being a psychaitrisist kinda ironic i am on this website but i have the hardest times understanding ym own emotions. i write down on paper any time i am having a hard time what i can link to my behaviours before i sat and wrote this i wrote down infornt of me.... she has no sign of dissatifaction and loves life, has lots of happiness and lives her life to the fullest. how money affects her personality, what was given at birth and how it will affect her forever, and how her goals can become realistic with the help of the people around her and where are the people around me i have god but he isnt going to help me pay for medical school. i think i have a sense of ignorance which leads to my depression but my emotions seem so strong sometimes i cannot function or get caught listeniong to music for hours and hours without realizing i am. music is my way of transforming my emotions to my desire. Please help i am in need or will listen to any comments or anything thank you