Yes, I do believe we know what is best for ourselves. T's pronouncement in one of our first sessions has always stuck with me and guided me in my therapy journey: "only you know what you need to heal." Sometimes I have to dig deep or look in my dreams to find it, but the knowledge is there, if I can access it. I wouldn't say I needed not to address this issue now, but rather I needed to address other things now.

Yes, I see what you mean, and Earthmama said something similar. Talking about being angry vs. actually being angry. Thanks, guys.

I do believe he has some sense of this. One time I was talking to him about how I first found him, thirdhand from a lawyer friend of my sister who recommended T after hearing the sad tale of her sister in the miserable marriage, unable to move forward. I said to T, "after my sister gave me your number, I called you, and left a message." He looked at me expectantly. I said "you never called back, and I didn't think anything of it, so I didn't call again." He said, "I never returned your call?" I shook my head, and he looked down and put his head in one hand, shaking his head, like "I can't believe I did this again." So I know he knows he has a phone problem (which is actually way worse than email). He was a little chagrinned and embarrassed at this story, and I must admit, I enjoyed that. He wanted to know why wasn't that the end of the story? I told him my sister kept asking me, "did you call him?" And I said "yes and he didn't call back." She MADE me call him back, and finally I did. This time she told me I must name-drop her T-recommending lawyer friend, because she and T were very good friends/colleagues, and if he heard me use her name, he would call me back. So I told him I tried this name-dropping approach and sure enough, he called back within a day. Then his head went into both hands, lol. He surely was not pleased with this recount of his behavior. But yet from his reaction, I could tell he had heard this before and was not happy with this part of himself. I just thoroughly enjoyed his discomfort! So yeah, I think at least on some level, he knows. He apologized right then and there, very sincerely. "I am so sorry I didn't return your call." Sheeesh, that unreturned call was like almost two years in the past when I told him this story, and I never really cared he didn't call back--I didn't even know him and had no emotional investment. But he really wanted to apologize. That makes me think that if I told him about the recent email incident, which did upset me, I would probably get another apology, and maybe another head in hands moment of confronting his self, warts and all.

The whole email thing is confusing to me too because of the dual roles. A therapy client is the one who needs support. And therapy clients are not given his email address. Phone only for them. But I am also his client in his coach role, and those clients get his email. So maybe I stepped outside of the bounds of MY role by asking him for support in an email. Maybe that's not allowed of coaching clients--they get his email, but not for support. Yet he offered support--I thought--in his email to me. So, yeah, I get confused. There are times I have walked into his office and asked if he is my therapist or coach that day. He sees the roles as rather coincident and seamless, but I don't. He is very interested in that. "I'm the same when I'm your coach," he says, "how am I different?" Some good discussions there. And occasionally he has said, "today I'm just going to be your therapist," and I want to purr and move into his lap.