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Originally Posted by chaotic13
Maybe the email situation is just something that, like his cold sore, you just accept. Your T is really good at caring for you during your sessions and legal meetings, he genuinely wants to be there to support you when you need him; but for whatever reason (ADHD;other priorities;??) he is incapable of being dependable outside of your physical interactions. When situations come up, you get pissed, then see that what he does provided you is worth putting up with this one shortcoming.
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Yes, I feel this way exactly. Chaotic, thank you for understanding.
I'm OK with his cold sore!
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Do you remember... you posted about having trouble bringing your negative feelings into the therapy room? If I recall correctly, at the time you were describing how just being in the presence of your T, made you feel better. Therapy was like a place of comfort in your chaotic world and when you got there you just wanted to bask in it and not ruin the hour with the negativity of the outside world. Do you think your connection with T (his positive energy) just swept the negative stuff away?
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To some extent, yes, and it is especially hard when I have not seen him for a while. He has a very strong energy, and I can just get swept up in the joy of seeing him. I can't help it, and when I am with him, I don't want to. He is a "force." I felt this the very first time we met and knew instantly that he was the answer I was looking for. (I think he knows this because he said to me early in therapy that my good feelings for him were preventing me from feeling the grief of the loss of a friend/therapist from decades before. I was able to take my grief home, away from T, and feel my sadness and process it.) Despite all of this, there are certainly MANY times I cry and grieve with T, and get angry too, so it's not just a smilefest when we're together. It's just so hard when we've been apart for a long time to resist the joy, and I guess I'm weak. I like having some joy in my life once in a while. I think many of you are stronger than I am.
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Another question I have is about attachment.... you described that when you went into your session and he asked you if you were OK, you realized that you were really OK. Do you think that this is evidence that you've moved from your earlier insecure attachment pattern to a secure attachment in this relationship? I thought the same thing when I read the part about the laptop situation.
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I have felt securely attached to T for a long time.
He referred to it once as my being "deeply partnered" to him. I actually don't think I have an "earlier insecure attachment problem." The problem in my marriage wasn't that I attached to my H insecurely, but that he wouldn't
let me attach to him and he didn't know how to attach himself. It's great to know someone like T who knows how to attach and doesn't run if someone moves close. He is a great model for me.
Such great comments from everyone. Lots of insight. PC is the best.
