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cantstopcrying · 11:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by 3velniai

I had the strangest ever session with T few days ago and can't stop thinking about it despite that I’m tired of thinking.

We were trying to talk about some severe SI that i did the week before and I suddenly told her I feel like 3 persons living in one head: the smart-*** *****, who takes care of everything and does all the things that need to get done; the stupid kid, who just hides under a table in the farthermost corner and does all the stupid things like SI and things related to SU; and there also is a dead body somewhere in the other corner. This feeling is new to me and I still don't know if I like or not, and here I am, telling this to T. The openness scared me a lot. Still not sure if I did the right thing, but well, that can't be changed now. T's reaction was something I could have never expected. She could go with the "and how do u feel about it" and similar blah blah stuff or say that this is a total nonsense (I would prefer this response actually). Instead she immediately started to talk to me like I really was 3 persons. Why?? I don't get it... She said she would like to know all the 3 characters, not only the b... and asked a few questions, for instance "remember you did X, can u tell which one of the 3 was acting?" Blah... Why why why why why??? I NEED to know the reason for every of the questions she asked, and I need the answers NOW. And yeah, T loved the idea, that the b... can stop the kid from doing harmful things and made the b... promise she will make sure I stay safe till next appt. Why? (it’s obvious why she required the promise, ha ha, but if she was like "ok, you're 3 characters in one head", she could have asked the stupid kid to stop doing stupid things till next appt). I don't know. I don't understand anything right now and I desperately NEED to understand at least something or I will go insane.
Why did i tell her this before i started to understand at least a little part of it?
Why did T believe me?
Why did she just accept it?
Why did she (kind of) give me green light to keep thinking about myself as a company of 3?
Why did she repeat it is very important that i told her this over and over again?
Why did she schedule next appt on Monday? (i saw her on Thursday)
Why did she make the b... promise she will take care of things till next appt?
Why did she ask so many questions?
Why can't i stop thinking about all this nonsense and just go to the cinema to watch new James Bond movie.

Ha ha, even my nick contains the number 3, and this is a very old nick, I’ve been using it for 4 years now... Damn.

I'm a mess, sorry...

Please remember this is just my opinion based on the information given:
Possibly you told her this information before you started to understand it because you needed help understanding it.
Why not believe you? If you are to trust her, she needs to believe you and believe in you.
Instead of asking why did she just accept it, why don't you? All of us have different aspects to who we are. I can be the biggest B in the world if the situation calls for it, but I am also loving and caring and kind and intelligent. It's like that for humans--we aren't just one dimensional.
She gave you the green light to continue thinking like that so you can explore the different feelings and thoughts that come with each and what provokes them and where do they come from.
It is important you told her this for a couple reasons: 1.) you showed confidence and trust. 2.) This is information she needs to know if she is to help guide on your journey.
I would say the appointment Monday may be because she is concerned and wants to make sure you stay safe. Or it could be because that's what her schedule had open!
In making the B promise to keep you safe, she's making you take responsibility for your safety, letting you know that she believes you can be strong, that the B part of you can be stronger than the kid that hurts you.
Asking questions is how we learn things. She can't read her mind anymore than you can read hers. Ask her these questions on Monday. If you don't, she won't know what you're thinking. She also probably asked specific questions to help guide her in her treatment plan.
I have no answer to the last question about stopping thinking about all this except you haven't found the pause button yet!

The ability to turn our minds of things that worry us is very hard!
Sorry if you really didn't opinions on your questions but I thought it might give you some insight or perspective. I hope you are able to relax and whatever part of you has to do it, I hope you stay safe and see that you are valuable and important!