I had a study date with a gal from my stats class yesterday morning... I cancelled. I had an appointment to participate in an hour long experiment for a psych class at school... I cancelled. I was supposed to go to my friend's house after my classes... I cancelled.

I supposed it's a good thing that I know how to manage my stress and I can tell where my limits are as far as dealing with or being around other people and/or additional stimulation, both physical, mental, and emotional. Yet... I still feel like **** about being such a flake. Granted I gave plenty of notice and nobody was inconvenienced by my lack of participation, I still am quite disappointed in Ann for not being able to behave and interact like a normal human being.

When I am not well in my mind, it takes all of my resources and energy to keep me functioning and from going too berserk. With that said, I do not have any energy left over to deal with other people. I have nothing left inside to offer them. I cannot even listen to their problems/issues/concerns/etc and give a supportive response back beyond "um" or "uh-huh". And then I get terribly frustrated listening to it and I want to scream my damn head off. I can even get mean or snappy with people... and when that happens, part of me is sitting up inside of my mind screaming at me to shut up and quit being an insensitive jerk but I have no control over my body and cannot stop. And then I feel even worse about myself afterwards.