yeah. once i go ill feel better and i know it. just so hard for me to make that first move to help. this just all the sudden came on me. ever since i came to college everything just changed. before this i was so happy and never thought id ever be dealing with this and be put in this situation. thats why its so hard for me. and none of my friends would even think to think im upset and depressed because i can pull it off so well that im a happy person. but im really not. and having no one know is so hard, like my best friend from home knows, but shes so far and theres only so little she can do..which is tell me to go get help. i just feel like i need someone like that here, but i dont have it. now im just rambling on. so ill stop