Quote:
Originally Posted by hangingon
Its just huge, huge for me to trust. I don't think I have every totally trusted anyone in my whole life, so its hard to talk myself into doing it now.
I still osculate back and forth as to whether I really want to continue with therapy because it really stirs alot of emotions up and its making it so much harder in my every day life to deal with things.
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I can really relate to both of the things you said here...
Trusting is a hard, and feels like an unbelievably huge risk when we've never done it before. It is SCARY. But I think that when you took a chance with your T at your last appointment, and did trust her, she showed you that she will treat that trust with respect and caring, and that you will be safe with her. It's hard, because the only way to know if it's really safe is to just jump in and try....but you did that, and it was really brave, and T rose to the challenge.
Therapy made things worse for me for quite a while before it started making things better. It's hard to stir all of this up and this just go on with our normal lives and not have them be affected somewhat. It's SO normal, that when I just started seeing Teacher T, she had me sign all of her usual forms, and one of the forms was all about how we might feel worse - a lot worse - before we feel better.
I still think it's worth it. The healing that goes on in therapy, when we finally let ourselves trust, is so deep, and I don't know any other way to heal those old wounds. I still go back and forth about trusting, staying in therapy, etc....but most of the time, I know that therapy is a gift I can give myself so that I can heal and grow and be whole.
((((((((((((((((((((((((hangingon)))))))))))))))))))))))))) Hang in there - you are doing great.
