Hi, Bloose, welcome to PsychCentral (PC). I use to say hurtful things to my stepmother because I was feeling hurt myself. What do you have going on in the rest of your life? Sometimes things can trickle down so if we're being yelled at by our boss, for example, we bring it home and yell at our spouse/children (because it's "safe", we don't feel it's safe to yell at boss because he might fire us!). I know I get road rage when I'm worried and feeling helpless. When you find you've said something horrible, apologize immediately and see if you can track down what the "real" problem is. I always know when I do something that "isn't Me" that there's something else going on elsewhere that I'm misplacing and I use it as information/a clue. Maybe if you think of something or find something (catch yourself in the act :-) you can share it with your wife so she can understand and help you look/keep current and not take such behaviors personally.