Oh - I know about self-sabotage. Not only do I say things that I regret, but I have done terrible things which lost me my husband and my job recently. I am in an intensive outpatient program trying to find out why I sabotage everything good in my life. Finding out that I have very deep-rooted issues from childhood, as well as abandonment issues and trust...it's a long line of issues, that takes a long time to delve into and unravel. I'm sorry that you are going through this - but recognizing it and taking the proper steps to address it are first steps to overcoming it. I wish you luck.