Went to class tonight with teacher T. Did a lot of sitting meditation. There are a lot of feelings that want to come up. Help

She sat and talked with me after class. I was trying to be honest with her, but at the same time, I was like "I'm fine!!", because THAT IS HOW I AM. I just can't let someone know (in real life) that I am vulnerable.

I told her a little snippet from my past - I mean, literally, almost nothing - and I just want to get it back.

She is so caring and compassionate. When caring and compassion come my way, I want to - maybe NEED to - put up all of my big walls, and just start running.

I called T on the way home from class because he is safe and part of me - the little part - needed to talk to him. But it was just his voice mail, so I was just talking into this emptiness. No one there to hear me. And that made it worse.

And then I cried all the way home.