Quote:
Originally Posted by earthmama
Went to class tonight with teacher T. Did a lot of sitting meditation. There are a lot of feelings that want to come up. Help 
She sat and talked with me after class. I was trying to be honest with her, but at the same time, I was like "I'm fine!!", because THAT IS HOW I AM. I just can't let someone know (in real life) that I am vulnerable.
I told her a little snippet from my past - I mean, literally, almost nothing - and I just want to get it back.
She is so caring and compassionate. When caring and compassion come my way, I want to - maybe NEED to - put up all of my big walls, and just start running.
I called T on the way home from class because he is safe and part of me - the little part - needed to talk to him. But it was just his voice mail, so I was just talking into this emptiness. No one there to hear me. And that made it worse.
And then I cried all the way home. |
(((em))) Maybe the way you are with T you can be with teacher T. It will probably take some time
And what you wrote about when caring and compassion come your way you want to start running and when people want to know how you are doing you say fine(eventhough) you probably arent. You sound completely like me. I don't know how to accept caring and compassion when it's directed at me and I just wanna run and hide and push it all away. I have never had or at least felt that from anyone aka my parents or any adult while i was growing up, which is probably why it's hard for me to accept it from anyone now. I am learning to accept it for the first time at 25 years of age and it's soooo hard and scarey. And you will be able to accept it from teacher T the way you do from T. Didn't you just start seeing teacher T? Maybe once you grow more comfy with her you will be able to open up?
