Thanx guys...

well, I haven't done it again since, and my doc has signed me off work for 2 weeks... but it has been so hard. This is my second day off, spent yesterday sleeping! Yawn! I'm trying to keep busy today, cause yesterday was hard and I kept thinking about it and thinking about doing it... I'm so glad that I went back to bed and slept.

Today I got up early with my daughter... my mum picked her up to take her to nursery this morning again, so I have been able to chill out a bit, but I'm struggling to keep myself busy. The house is a mess so I'm going to do some housework and clean up. After that, who knows, eh?

I guess I just need some support and have found the energy to ask for it today. Jeez, I just need to get started and do something productive, something that'll stop me from letting my mind slip. I keep lookng at my scars lately and searching for old ones on my body, remembering the way I felt.

I feel like a falure, guilty and bad and useless. I'm letting down the people in my life, and I hate myself for that. I kmow I won't always feel like that, but for today, I just do. You know what it's like.