Melissa,

My DH is the same as your husband...he has always had a temper, is quick to anger, and doesn't fight fair (he calls me names, blames me, etc.). He would also throw out the "if you don't like it you know what to do" card and would rarely acknowledge that he was out of line. He would later say that he was sorry, but if I wasn't so such-and-such, or if he wasn't so stressed, whatever...there was always an excuse. I have to disagree with the other poster that just because he is stressed from not finding a job doesn't give him the right to be mean or be so quick to anger. That's abusive and it rarely gets better on it's own, at least that's what I"ve been told. My DH lately has tried to be better, but it didn't happen by anything I did or said...he found out (through his ex) that his kids were upset by the way he was talking to me one day during one of his "episodes"...he felt awful and has since tried harder. I don't know if it will last, I've seen some signs of his old self...but we'll see.

My advice is to let him know that you understand his anger and frustration and that it is ok for him to feel that way, but it is inappropriate for him to take it out on you and that his behavior is unacceptable. Every time he yells or screams or says something hurtful, call him on it right then and there, tell him how much it hurts you and that you will not tolerate it. Then walk away and don't engage until he is calm. I would also recommend looking into resources on abusive relationships and how to deal.

Hugs!