Thank you for the replies. I so WANT it to be worth it. Sometimes I think it feels SO worth it, when I feel connected to T, or am able to be more gentle with myself, or can navigate my relationship with H, or realize I can see the "gray" shades in things instead of just black and white.

Before therapy, I was really physically very sick for a long time and after every test imaginable, there was nothing physically wrong with me. Somehow I "knew" it was all emotional stuff and started therapy. I'm not physically sick anymore, and I try to remember how I felt before I started therapy to remind myself that it's better to feel healthy than to feel like that.

But sometimes it's so painful, and scary, and just plain horrible, that it's really easy to convince myself that I'm putting myself through a lot of crap for nothing. I guess that's what I've been working on convincing myself for a while now. And I think the realization that T really, ACTUALLY cares for me as a person, not just as a "client" added a new dimension to the "I have GOT to get out of here" feelings that therapy gives me sometimes.

I liked hearing everyone else's viewpoint on this. It seems like even when people haven't made it to the "other side" they still have hope. Hope is good.