(((earthmama)))
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Originally Posted by earthmama
Is there anyone here who has gone through this and come out on the other side? Can you convince me that it is worth it?
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I hesitate to say I've made it out the other side, but I do believe that with the help of my T I have a better quality of life and more good days than bad.
I'm not sure I can convince you, but I will say that holding the *belief* that you will feel better, is important. Maybe it is hard to believe every day, and that is ok. Just remind yourself as often as you can that it *is possible*.
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I have so many layers of defenses built up, and every time I try to move through them a little bit, there is so much pain.
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What if you try to 'be' with your defenses rather than try to move through them? Experience what the defense feels like, what it can be useful for, and how it has protected you in your life.
The defenses are there for a reason. You did the best you could, given the tools you had, and you survived. In fact, it is thanks to your defenses that you are here right now. In other words, you did an amazing job.
*IF* you are now wanting to let the defense down, try thanking it for being there, and protecting you. Let it know that you now have other tools to protect yourself, and that you would like it rest for now.
In my experience, it was much more painful to try to kick out a defense, because they hung on. I find it very helpful to imagine each defense is like a virtual bodyguard. If I just run away from the bodyguard, he'll keep trying to find me because that is his job. If I instead thank him for his service, and let him know he's off-duty, it is much easier.
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And what will be there when I get through all of them? Do I even want to know?
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The defenses are there because there is something valuable underneath.
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I feel so lost!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Earthmama, it is ok to feel lost. In fact, I'd say it is a good sign. We cannot make progress without changing our view.
