((((((((((((((((((((((((((lifelesstravelled)))))))))))))))))))))))))

It seems like whenever I read your posts, I'm sitting here nodding my head as I read. The feelings you are describing are SO familiar to me.

There are ups and downs to therapy for me. A LOT of the time, I feel like I left most of my brain at home. I'm just there with anxiety and this empty head. But I'm THERE. And being there, over and over again, week after week, month after month has made me feel safe with him - really safe most of the time - and sometimes I can bring a little more of myself there, and sometimes ALL of myself, and we move forward in leaps and bounds.

And then I get scared and want to quit and start leaving 85% of me at home again. But I keep going, week after week, month after month, and the safe feeling comes back, and the trust comes back, and we're able to move forward a little more.

You are NOT FAILING. I feel like I need to repeat that: YOU ARE NOT FAILING. This stuff is hard, it really is, and it sucks that we have to go through it. It does! But we can go, and give ourselves this gift, even though it doesn't feel like a gift right now. Our parents didn't give us what we needed and deserved, and that really hurts...but it's not to late for us to heal, and be whole, and happy.

Therapy is a SLOW PROCESS. It's up and down. It ebbs and flows. But it can only happen if we GO, even if we're just sitting there twiddling our thumbs and feeling uncomfortable most of the time, especially at first. The trust will come.

((((((((((((((((((((((lifelesstravelled))))))))))))))))))) Good luck with your appointment tomorrow. Let us know how it goes. You can do it.