((Minime))
everyone has given you good advice and reassurances that you are not stupid...hopefully within those words you will find comfort.

jme, but most adults cannot adequately explain to the child what has happened to them. many times it's because they are afraid of causing more trauma--a denial of sorts that leaves the child feeling more alone.
I'm so sorry that no one was able to gently be direct with you.

Anger and disappointment are but two things we face as adults when we are able to talk about our rapes. There may be more to come, but it does get easier.
There is nothing rotten inside you. There is a hurt and confused child who needs patience and recognition of their strength...you survived then and you are surviving now, and that takes a great deal of courage and endurance.
Please be as kind, if not kinder, to yourself that you would be towards someone else...you deserve to show yourself love.

I hope you are feeling better, Minime. Sometimes the days and the nights of our healing are so very hard.

Cap