I read all your posts and they helped, there was some great advice, but I still felt too depressed to reply and tell you how much it meant to me.... but now I just feel worse, SO depressed, so hurt, just a mess... only just got out of bed 10 minutes ago (it's 4.40pm)... wasn't sleeping, just online in chat... just needed to talk to someone, so lonely... only it's not the same.
I hurt so much (physically as well today... my 'endo' is playing up)

edit number 1: Why... for years I've been trying... I know why I'm depressed and I know what to do... so why is none of it working ... why have ALL my friends disowned me.
What is about me that's so flippin' awful... o.k. so you might say that's a distorted thought... but it's not!!! 'Cause for three years I've been on my own (admitedly with John a bit... but even he doesn't want to be with me, even though "You're still so special" "I still love you" "I love everything about you and you're my best friend"

ouch... being alone hurts.... being alone for 3-4 years! KILLS :sobs:

edit number 2: John was the only friend I had to talk to (and I tried so hard to make friends so there were other people...)... things are tough at home right now, today's awful because there are SO MANY problems all going at once and loads of triggers... I can't talk to anyone I need to SPEAK! .... and I'm not phoning a helpline 'cause the last 3 times I've called them they've all made me feel worse than I did to start with...... seriously thinking about deleting this... although you can't after it's already had replies??

aargh

edit number 3: ooh lucky me... dad's playing up yet again, breath... breath... breath