but recently i cut again. bad i know. but i missed it.
i missed the only thing i could rely to be around for me, so i did it again.
and looking back now, (i did it yesterday) i wish id saved it till now because i dont want to let myself do it again because i dont want to go back to where i was.
i wish i left it till now because, one of the things i thought i could rely on left me.
tom broke up with me last period today, and i dont get why. he said that it wasnt my fault (bullcrap) and that he just didnt think he wanted a girlfriend right now, as hes getting rid of all his commitments (also crap. i just wasnt good enough for him to want me) hes already trying to give up 6th form.
i know he didnt mean it, but he has totally reinforced the idea that the only thing that wont abandon me is my razor blades. and he knows i want to stop. he knows im trying.

i just wish iwas good enough for him.