My husband's 3 sons when they were in college were supposed to make the most money they could toward their schooling and then he would pay the rest? Can you three maybe make some sort of payback to the loan thing where your son works summers and maybe holidays (at Winn Dixie; maybe they have a program where he won't have to quit entirely? Much better having an "on call" worker who's trained than having to train a new employee?) so your husband doesn't feel like he's not doing much.

Another thing; my husband worked 2-3 fulltime jobs when he was going to school and he was 100% on scholarship so was able to pay for his lifestyle completely and live off-campus with friends and his father gave him something like $75 a month to pay the shortfall. Maybe your husband's experience is such that he's getting too swayed by his own life/what his father wanted for him? Maybe you can discuss that, where his ideas are coming from in an "interested"/exploratory fashion and get him to have a clue that way.

I can sort of see your husband's point, "work" including school is just that. Where is your son going to get the money to socialize if he doesn't work? I don't think he should be allowed to use the loan money? He is already getting a good deal living at home. It's great he's going/doing well in school but if you can't pay your rent, you have to get another job as an adult, on weekends :-) to pay rather than play/relax then. Right now your son is learning about the "real" world too and because Mom and Dad have provided a nice net doesn't mean you can let go the tapeze bar and use it like a trampoline?

My husband's middle son kept using the money his parents gave him and lying about registering or would flunk out, etc. but I was able to help that situation because his son was in engineering, like his father, and didn't "belong" there. My husband couldn't see that his son was just trying to be like his father whom he held up to emulate but who was different and unusual in his abilities in that area so there was no way son could "be like dad". Because my husband trusted my opinion/point of view (the son could have been mine he was so "like" me when I was in college :-) he was able to be gentler and try to look at things differently and come up with a different tack to take.