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Hi,
I was 13 when I started to cut. I also scratched. I can't belive its me doing it. Im trying to focous in on myself doing it, but I disassociate. I always ask myself why is it fair to myself. Im not being fair to myself. I want to stop so bad. I try and I try. And I just cant go a month. I am such a happy person when I am not doing it. And then when I start back up again, bam im hit with depression all over again. I can't get the curage to throw out anything i use. I know that Im hurting the person I love the most. And I cant stand it. But I cant stop. I have been burning myself too for the past year. And my scratches are getting worse. So much worse. I mean I can give advice but I cant use my own. Ive tried holding ice. Ive tried writing poems. Ive tried rubberbands. Ive tried exercising. Ive tried drawing. Ive tried pretty much anything you can think of. And its gotten to the point where it doesnt even do anything for me anymore. its in my head that im over it. but some how i just keep doing it. like theres no sensation. i dont get a rush. I used to. Now i do it, to see how deep i can go and see how much i bleed for. its experemintation. Im going to accidently kill myself one day with this. And I cant stop.
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