I am very frustrated about something that happened in therapy. Last week I finally opened up to my T and told her that I think she just wants me to rush through things and get rid of me. She also started her own counseling center over an hour away, so I addressed her on that saying if she is going to leave the place I see her at , then I want to start seeing someone different. I don't want to go deeper with her, then have her leave. Told her I don't want to have to do this all over again with someone after opening up.

I also addressed that I hate that she asks me every session if I had risked with someone that week. She really wants me to form a support system outside of therapy and I have a really hard time doing that because I have a hard time trusting people. I told her I would get frustrated with my self because I couldn't do that and her asking me every week made it worse. She told me we would lay off that since its bothering me so much.

Now you must know that I never open up to my T about how I am feeling at least not yet. Actually, I did one time in the form of writing for something simple, but last week when I went to T, I was already frustrated about something going on in my family so I just said the heck with it and let the previous stuff out.

Well as you can imagine, I was so nervous to see her after that session, to the point where I was going to cancel my appointment yesterday. Well I decided to go anyways. When I got there I told her I was a little uncomfortable because of what I let out in the last session. She asked if I was afraid that she would have a bad response, I said I didn't know, i just felt awkward.

Well she started the session asking me a question about my step-dad, she said you never really talk about him. I got really nervous about that because he was one of my abusers. So I only talked a little about his drinking, temper ect...nothing in detail and didn't talk about the abuse. She does know he absued me, I just don't talk about that with her yet.

Then she asked me a little later what things set me off, as far as crying because of the recent loss of my mom. I said I notice it more when I am very frustrated, or overwhelmed with things, things that I feel like I will never finish or be able to do them.

Well, after that she pulls out the support system sheet we had worked on in the past. Yes....the support system sheet.....after last session. I just went along with it. She asked me to add my siblings to it, since I talk to them even if its more superficial. I don't know why she pulled that out. I thought about it when I left, thought about how I told her it bothered me and how when I am frustrated it sets me off thinking about my mom. Then she asks me about my mom. Something I dont like to talk about because it kills me inside, She died two months ago and I still have a hard time talking about her. I started to cry some, something I did not want to do.

I am upset with her in thinking about that now.
First that she pulled out the support sheet that I just poured my heart out with her about not wanting her to ask me about it. Then brings up my mom.

I feel like she tricked me into crying and I am not happy about that. I am not happy that she went against what she said she would not do as far as talking about the support system after my last session. Ugh.....can they do that

Hangingon